One trait I value in my friends is honesty. I want people to call me out on stuff, and I’ve been working a lot these past few months on being able to handle criticism. My instinct reaction is to be defensive and closed off, but I recognize that sometimes I can’t see the mistakes I’m making until years later, and if someone has some constructive criticism for me, I want to be able to take it to heart without feeling insulted.
Yesterday I had some honesty thrown at me, and it kind of knocked me off-balance for a bit. It’s always hard to hear negative feedback when you think you’re doing okay. I wanted to address what was brought up and sort of explain myself, because, honestly, I know my head hasn’t been in the game, so to speak.
As Ron Swanson once said, “Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.” As important as I think this statement is, and as much as I would love to say I live by it, I don’t. I have the habit of biting off way more than I can chew, panicking, and then not finishing any of it or backing out of everything. I retreat when I’m scared, and I get scared quite frequently.
I want to say that I recognize that my blog has not been eloquently written, or especially informative or intellectual. It’s been the basics, and will continue to be the basics for the rest of November. I started this blog the day I started writing my November novel, and I think we all knew that would not be my wisest choice as a writer. My novel is really important to me, and I fully intend to finish that. However, blogging about movies until Christmas is also important to me. I like it; I like writing about it.
I refuse to quit – blogging about movies (as stupid as you might think that is) or writing my novel. I have a habit of quitting – retreating – and I don’t want to be in that habit anymore. I want to finish something – somethings.
As much as you might believe this is all for you, it’s also for me, and for my sanity and to help me progress as a writer. Many of you know this about me, but I try to be open and up front about everything. I’m unemployed, unhappy and unmotivated, and frankly I’m out of ideas. Writing gives me hope. Maybe you don’t understand that, but that’s okay. I just wanted to express this notion. I can tell you it will get better once November is over, and I can tell you that in the future I will focus on one creative concept at a time.
I want to thank those who have been encouraging me. I recognize that this is a really hard time in my life, and I am handling it as best as I possibly can. I was hoping this novel would change my life – even in a really small way. I appreciate all those who are supporting me. Thank you for understanding that ultimately, I’m writing for myself. I’m not writing to impress you or befuddle you, I’m writing because it gives me hope.