I’ve been torn about writing this post. As of a few months ago, I started including a link to this blog in some of my job applications. It’s very clearly a personal blog, not a professional blog, which is fine. But, you know, there’s probably a line of weirdness that is unwritten and also, unfortunately, unbeknownst to me, that I am about to cross by posting this. Maybe someday I will learn, but today is not that day. That being said, here is a list of animated Disney animals (with human attributes. This isn’t Buzzfeed. Ain’t no Meeko on my list.) who would be completely and extremely attractive were they human.
Honorable mentions: Tramp from Lady and the Tramp; Dodger from Oliver and Company; Basil from The Great Mouse Detective.
7. Pongo from 101 Dalmations
I feel like a lot of his attractiveness level is due to his human counterpart, Roger, being an animated version of my dream guy. They patterned Pongo after Roger who is hopefully patterned after a real-life individual around my age that I will meet sometime soon.
6. Jake from The Rescuers Down Under
It’s just one of those things. Foreign guys who are outdoor-savvy.
5. Adult Tod from The Fox and the Hound
Tod is such a cute, innocent, typically forgotten character. He was voiced by Mickey Rooney which kind of blows my mind and weirds me out. But Mickey Rooney aside, Tod is a winner.
4. College Simba
from The Lion King
Okay, there’s a very specific time where Simba is no longer a child, and not quite yet an old adult that he is the MOST attractive. That is College-Aged-Simba.
3. Robin Hood
from Disney’s Robin Hood
This is possibly one of the smoothest, suavest adaptations of Robin Hood ever. He’s a fox. He’s a literal fox.
2. Max Goof from A Goofy Movie
GOSH Max Goof. I think he’s supposed to be a sort of human-dog-creature? Whatever. If he were fully human, he would be such a keeper. I’m trying to ignore how completely creepy I sound while writing these. DO NOT JUDGE ME.
1. Kovu from The Lion King II: Simba’s Pride
I’m pretty confident that I would have a crush on any character voiced by Jason Marsden (ignoring Chester from Fairly Odd Parents; note: Chase Young, Tino Tonitini, Max Goof, etc.). Voice crushes are weird, you guys. With or without a love of Jason Marsden, it seems to be a law that people are attracted to Kovu. I don’t know how they could make an animated lion so appealing to so many people, but well done, Disney. You’ve accomplished a very strange thing.
joy writes things 